New dad joins women’s charity as volunteer
As members of one of the oldest women's organisations in the world, and supporters of women, children and families locally, we often write about the experiences of women and girls. Mothers who are struggling to parent their babies, young women who are homeless or escaping unsafe situations, and families in crisis.
This International Men’s Day, we are sharing the perspective of a man, who, because of domestic abuse, experienced years of trauma as a boy. As a new father, he is reflecting on his past and looking to the future. A future where he is determined to support domestic abuse survivors and their children.
Thirty-one year-old Jamie joined YWCA Yorkshire as a Volunteer earlier this year. Becoming a dad to a daughter in 2022, spurred Jamie on to reach out to local charities working with people experiencing domestic abuse and offer his support.
Jamie’s father was abusive. Abusive to his mum. Abusive to his siblings. And abusive to Jamie. Jamie saw firsthand the effect this had on his mum’s mental health. He describes the low moods, crippled self-esteem, shattered confidence and utter inability to escape the mental prison that incarcerated her. It’s almost too painful for Jamie to speak of.
He can talk about his father and how he feels about him. He can talk about how he managed to escape that life aged just 18, and how he has no desire to give his emotional energy to the man that terrorised his family. He can talk about his relationships with his brother and sister - the good and the bad that is commonplace with siblings, but that is so much more acute when there is a shared childhood trauma. In a household like Jamie's, the children are blown apart and scattered like debris. They land where they land and if they are lucky, they find themselves somewhere they can shoot roots and regrow from - maybe even a place from where they can find each other again. But not everyone lands somewhere like that.
When Jamie was 18, he moved from his hometown to Hull University. This was his chance for a different life. He’d been living with his grandma for several years and time out from the daily grind of the family home had given him the emotional and mental space he needed to plan for his future. Whilst obviously bright and academic at school, Jamie’s difficult home-life meant he underachieved in his early exams, but all of that changed once he reached University. This was somewhere he was in control. A place he could succeed. A place he could build a better future for himself. Jamie moved seamlessly from his undergraduate, to a Masters, and then on to Leeds University where he studied for a PhD and onward to post-doctorate research roles. Whilst at University, Jamie met his now partner, and just two years ago they had their first child together and have settled in Sheffield where they are building their family home.
Jamie is volunteering for YWCA Yorkshire because he understands the difficulties faced by women and children who experience homelessness, domestic abuse, financial hardship and family breakdowns. He is a man and a father who was once a boy and someone's child. It’s the life that boy lived, that feeds Jamie's compassion and drives his desire to support others.
This International Men’s Day we celebrate men everywhere who are supporting women to create better futures for themselves and their children; the girls and boys who will grow up to be women and men right here in South Yorkshire.
Thank you to Jamie for sharing his story with us. It’s written in memory of Jamie’s mum, who sadly has now passed away, but in whose memory, Jamie is supporting others.
If, like Jamie, you would like to learn more about volunteering opportunities at YWCA Yorkshire, we’d love to hear from you: Please email our Volunteer Coordinator: nicole.cannon@ywcayorkshire.org.uk.